Lately I’ve Been Learning to Say Yes Daily



Eighteen years ago today on a cliff overlooking the San Francisco Bay, a seemingly cool, calm and collected Steve Lind invited me into ever after.

I’m glad I said yes.

What I didn’t realize then that I am learning now is marriage isn’t as much about the initial “Yes!” or “I do,” but more about a daily yes. The purpose of marriage is oneness and every single day is a choice to say yes to that oneness or to something else that has the potential to divide.

Every day I get to choose to say yes to Steve, yes to our marriage and yes to our ever after which helps determine just how “happily” it will be.

Unfortunately, sometimes I say yes to other things. 

I say yes to my iPhone.

I say yes to my boys when they should see my first yes belongs to their dad.

I say yes to work.

I say yes to the tyranny of the urgent.

I say yes to the fear of the future instead of the gift of today.

I say yes to my friends who make it easier when I share my heart with them at times.

Lately, I’ve been learning there is nothing sweeter than oneness when the yes is said emphatically over and over again even when that yes is hard.

Yes, we should go from our community because together we are being called to something new.

Yes to new dreams and vision.

Yes, we should take that job that will require us to walk in faith.

Yes, we will choose to slow down and rest so our family can thrive.

Yes, we will step into the unknown and trust that our very first yes, our yes to God, will help us see abundantly more than we could ask or imagine.

Yes, we will sacrifice and be brave even when it doesn’t make sense.

And even yes to everything mundane. Yes to dishes and cleared kitchen sink. Yes to preferring the other person over self. Yes to the laundry being folded and put away and yes to the grace when it isn’t {most of the time}. Yes to creative meal plans and yes to a few moments of quiet together when the boys are finally in bed or the early hours when they are still sleeping. Yes, to the Adirondacks on the back porch and yes to one more episode of Netflix.

Yes because yes together is way better where ever it may take us than when we are apart.

What have you learned about saying yes in marriage?


Oneness and the Gritty Realities of Every Day Life

Photo Credit: Rice and D via Creative Commons

Photo Credit: Rice and D via Creative Commons

Tonight is the first of twelve weeks we will be walking alongside two couples we love dearly in preparation for marriage.  Over dinner and conversation, our goal is to put as much stuff on the table for discussion to prepare them for what every couple encounters during their marriage.  When we went through our own premarital counseling, I saw the benefit of talking through issues and topics preemptively which would otherwise surface during an argument.

Last week at Allume I attended a marriage workshop led by Myquillin Smith and her husband Chad. The topic, “Blog and Marriage: The Gritty Realities of an Everyday Life” was pertinent to every married couple, not just bloggers.  The statement was made:

The purpose of marriage is oneness.  If anything divides or gets in the way of your oneness, you need to reevaluate.

Of course, so much of this is rooted in expectation.  I have found in my own marriage, expectations unmet or not communicated well can lead to disappointment, division, and vain imaginations.  We enter into marriage with expectations of one another and of our marriages. Reality and our every day lives together are shaped by our expectations from little things like who will do the dishes, how and with will we celebrate holidays, how love will be expressed and how money is stewarded. Unless these things are talked through, expectations can lead to resentment.

In unpacking the purpose of marriage being oneness, Chad said (paraphrased by me) our goal in communicating expectations is not to be convincing, but to be engaging.  Our goal is to stay unified with an understanding of what we each need, want and desire as an outcome. “Informed people are cooperative people,” and let’s face it, a marriage with two people who are uncooperative with one another is the pits.

I think the same thing is true for all our relationships… friendships, work relationships and extended family relationships.  When we are able to communicate what our expectations are and why we have them, it’s much easier to adjust the expectations on both ends when necessary so they are measurable and more importantly beneficial to the relationship.

So today… what is threatening the oneness of your relationship? What do you need to reevaluate and communicate more effectively?