Releasing the Pressure of Family Devotions

February 26, 2013 by 8 Comments

We just finished the third week of a parenting class at our church where each week we are taught by a different couple. We also have the privilege of hearing from a panel of three additional couples to exemplify the variety of parenting styles. It’s beautiful to take what the Bible says about parenting and see it expressed and lived out in different ways, according to each family. The tough thing about calling something “Biblical parenting” is there is a tendency to express it as just one way… and it can lead to legalism and cookie cutter-ness to which I am fundamentally opposed. It’s been refreshing to hear from wise families, speaking through their successes but also where they feel they fell short.

There are about 60 people in the class with us and you can almost hear the collective sighs of relief when each week we have heard couples we all tremendously respect and admire say they did not do family devotions.

Scandalous, I know.

While I realize there are some families that do this and do it well… there are many of us who have carried this yoke around and feel less than adequate when it hasn’t worked for us. So when we hear people who have raised kids who truly love Jesus, love His church and love to serve say they didn’t do it either… a big weight is lifted up.

Our kids are pretty much pastor’s kids so they are at church a lot and they see much of our lives revolve around God, the Bible and His people. Our pastor and his amazing wife spoke to us on Sunday night and said their goal as parents is for their kids “love their Jesus, love their Bible and love the church.” I can come in agreement with that as I look to our four boys who are at church any where from 1 to 4 times a week, and are learning to love, worship and develop community in the same place their mom and dad “work.”

We have decided the Shemah, is going to be about all day every day trying to be an example of loving Jesus, keeping His commands and enjoying life. This includes but is certainly not limited to:

Not making them memorize scriptures but telling them about the words of God that bring life as they apply to situations we are in together.

Asking them for forgiveness when I lose my cool and say something I regret all night long after the fact.

Showing them how much we love church and that we don’t go because we have to.

Lending a hand to our friends when they need it.

Praying with them for their friends when conflict arises at school.

Welcoming and encouraging their questions – no matter how odd, uncomfortable or big they seem to be.

Acknowledging we don’t have all the answers but we serve a God who we can call upon to show us great and unsearchable things we do not know {Jeremiah 33:3}.

Being loving and kind even when it seems difficult.

Showing forgiveness and humility.

I think I am starting to understand that devotions are not and should not be limited to a time slot in the day but a life lived of being wholly devoted to Jesus and His life lived through us.

Thankfully forgiveness is a huge part of the deal.

 

Have you been able to make family devotions work for you? If so, what does it look like? Do you breathe a sigh of relief to know it doesn’t have to look a certain way?

Filed Under: Discipleship, Family

Thirty-One {31 Days of Wisdom}

November 2, 2012 by 4 Comments

Unfortunately, the Proverbs 31 Woman has become some kind of caricature of femininity in this post-modern culture we live in. When her address is mentioned, eyes either roll with irritation or sink low with condemnation and feelings of not being good enough. Yet God sees fit to include her likeness in the pages of Wisdom and the twenty-one verses about her were written actually as a blessing rather than a “To-Be” list for all women who would come after her.

As one friend pointed out, if you read carefully you won’t misunderstand and believe this is a daily docket of her life. She does not do all these things in one day and most likely not in one season either. Verse 28 says, “her children rise up and call her blessed,” indicating when her children grow up, they realize how blessed she is to have been able to care for her family, her employees, her community, the poor, and of course her man. Perhaps her life ebbed and flowed according to each season of the year and each season of her life because she knew who gave her each day and breathed life into them.

I started this project of 31 Days of Wisdom because there are some things in my life right now that require an extra measure of wisdom, the kind I know I don’t have and the kind I know can only come from God. I need it to guide me and help me before a word is on my tongue and before I take any actions. I also wanted to treat it as a writing project… to read the words and then respond immediately in my heart. These posts were both excercise in writing and of the soul. In the last month, I’ve learned a bit about writing and blogging, but I’ve also learned more about me and my God:

1. I need to watch what I say. Words are powerful…what they say and when they are said. In almost every chapter there is something about what our conversation can do for a person and a situation. I want to be a life-giving person in word and deed and in a split second a word or two coming out of my mouth can take life and with that… much more time to repair.

2. Wisdom is like a garden that requires tending. The vegetables I planted in the Spring are all gone. The tomato plants were so prolific I literally couldn’t keep up with them. I let them go too long and their vines were attacked by aphids and all kinds of things of which I have no idea about. The fruit shriveled up and their branches became dry. The word of God is seriously prolific… it’s living and active and it’s amazing what happens when it comes to life. But to live by it and live through it requires tending. To get wisdom, one must pursue wisdom, one must ask for it. Solomon who wrote these Proverbs knew that well. He could have had anything he wanted, but instead he asked for wisdom. God gave it to Him and then some…. But if I ignore it, like the tomato plants in my yard, the fruit will shrivel and be tasteless…useless and the branches dry. Living water, every day.

3. The Proverbs 31 woman taught me the necessity of accepting the seasons we are in. This is not the season in my life when I can write a blog post every day. I was getting stressed out about posting every day, until I gave myself permission not to. Hence, the 31st post on November 2. But who cares? The point was to read the Proverbs, not to keep up with a non-existent standard.

4. I love to have written. When I did sit down to write, I gave myself a time limit, a goal and God fed my soul. God has created me to write, and to write is to create, and when I do so… I am grounded. My best {my favorite} writing comes from when I see Him moving among us… in whatever and where ever He has us. Writing settles my mind, it settles my heart and it releases all the stuff inside me that can come out in unproductive ways when not stewarded wisely.

5. I want my children to rise up and call me blessed. In the journey through Proverbs this month, a lot of what I read and locked my mind on had to do with raising our boys. At the end of the day, I realize Jesus is everything. And because of that, when I look in their eyes I know this is the one thing, the only thing, I desire for them as well. For Jesus to be their everything. He has to do that work in revealing Himself to them… calling them out and bringing them along. Yet in the meantime, He has chosen Steve and I to make it real to them. The faith, the doubt, the failing, the redemption, the grace the mercy… all of it has to be real in us if we want them to birth their own real love for Jesus.

So November is finally here and I will go back to posting less often, but hopefully more often than before! If you’d like to subscribe you can do so via email or a reader in the upper right of this screen.

Thanks for being on the journey with me.

Filed Under: Discipleship, Raising Boys, Writing Tagged With: , , , ,

Twenty-Two {31 Days of Wisdom}

October 24, 2012 by 1 Comment

Since the age of 18 when I got my first credit card, I have gone in and out of debt.  From credit cards, to medical bills, to school loans and now a house, I have paid off…racked up…paid off…racked up and paid off.  Not it’s not just me, but we…

A few years ago, we went through a small group study called Crown Financial.  It was during that time when a light bulb went off for me and I put a box around this verse:

What became clear to me was that I, the borrower, had become slave to many lenders, there by possibly keeping me from serving freely in the way I wanted to.

It was keeping me from being as generous as I would like to have been. 

Keeping us from giving more than we were able to.

Since the change in perspective, the road hasn’t been easy but thankfully God has been gracious, creative and patient with us.

We have learned how not to become enslaved and plan to never go there again.  We have learned how to be better stewards and serve one master.

If you like so many people right now are struggling to get out of debt, become wiser financially, I can’t say enough about Dave Ramsey… his class was so helpful to us and complimented the Crown Financial material in such a practical way.  Simple Mom also has some great tools and advice as well as many cost saving tips for everyone…not just moms.

It can be a long haul but it’s so worth it.  It’s for freedom Christ has set you free.  Don’t give up your freedom and become the slave to a lender.

 

 

 

Filed Under: Discipleship, Simplifying Tagged With: , , ,

Nineteen & Twenty {31 Days of Wisdom}

October 20, 2012 by 1 Comment

It’s happening.

Those years people told me about when a boy becomes a man.  I see the struggle to break free and separate like a to and fro… sometimes they long to be close, sometimes they want to be as far as possible.

The challenge for me is to know how much to hold on and when to let go.

A good friend advised me this week to separate myself from their emotions.  Much like when a 2-year-old who throws himself on the ground in a tantrum… the advice is to walk away and not acknowledge it.  I’m now supposed to detach from the anger of an adolescent to prevent further kindling.

Trouble is, I’ve got both ends of the spectrum right now.

19:11

“Good sense makes one slow to anger,
    and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”

My issue is the good sense because none of it makes sense to me. It’s been a long time since I threw my hands up in an adolescent rage, but I remember it well.  Your feelings get out of control and out the heart, the mouth speaks.

So when they are out of control, my goal is stay in control.  Not of them but of me.  It’s the discipline of remaining steadfast when nothing seems steady to them.

19:18

“Discipline your son, for there is hope;
    do not set your heart on putting him to death.”

Not sure if I have what it takes for this ride.  But He does.  In Him there is hope.

But I know, when I lose control they no longer hear.  All they see/hear is that loss of control.

19:27

“Cease to hear instruction, my son,
    and you will stray from the words of knowledge.”

They have to find their own way and I can see the way separating from mine.  I can’t go with them, but I can go alongside them.  I can’t walk it for them but I can show them the way.

20:24

“A man’s steps are from the Lord;
    how then can man understand his way?”

Ultimately they need to find their Compass. The One who will direct them.   The One who goes before them.  The One who really knows the way.

Today I’m praying for an extra measure of love…the steadfast kind. I’m praying for faithfulness, the job assigned to me 11 years ago.

I am reminded of how desperately I need this Wisdom the Proverbs give.

Filed Under: Discipleship, Raising Boys Tagged With: , , ,

Six {31 Days of Wisdom}

October 6, 2012 by 1 Comment

This month I’m spending 31 days writing and reflecting on wisdom found in the Proverbs.  This is part of the 31 Days of Change blog link up started by The Nester. I confess, it was hard to get going today.  But the purpose is change… that comes with discipline and building a new habit.  I choose wisdom and pray it gets ingrained in my soul. If you’re reading along, I’m praying the same for you as we go.

“My son, keep your father’s command
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Bind them always on your heart;
fasten them around your neck.
When you walk, they will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
For this command is a lamp,
    this teaching is a light,
and correction and instruction
are the way to life…”

The father’s command and the mother’s teaching.

The command is a lamp and the teaching a light.

They are inseparable in their purpose. 

 

I interrupt the one who is sitting near me reading:

Son, what do you think the difference is between a lamp and it’s light?

The lamp is the structure, the light is the electricity.

Together, they light the way.

I doubt the writer meant mom is electricity and dad is the lamp.  He is explaining to his son the command is followed with a teaching and the message is consistent from both parents. Consistently working together, lamp and light are joined together to light the path for the sons and daughters of wisdom. The persistent message enables his son to write it on his heart and wear it around his neck.  Remember a time as an adult when you were caught in some precarious situation and you heard the voice of your parent, distantly ringing in your ear?

I recall one night as a college freshman walking alone at night in Azusa.  The darkness was haunting and I thought to myself, This is why my parents never let me go anywhere alone.

There is safety to be found in wisdom.

The worst times in parenting are when we are on different pages.  The light isn’t as brilliant when it doesn’t shine from the lamp.  I have many friends who are a single moms and I marvel at the grace given to them for the job at hand.  They are both lamp and light.

I often take for granted the fact there are two of us but when the two are not one the wreckage is in plain sight.

Recently I was talking with a friend about leadership development and the difference it makes when you like those you lead with.  When you like those you lead with, you laugh together, have fun together and head down the same path. When {not if} problems come, you defer to one another with understanding and compassion, believing the best about each other. People want to follow leaders who have electricity together.

Parenting in marriage requires the marriage to be strengthened.

If you’re reading this and you’re married with kids, will you please pray with me?

Lord, help us to look to you first and foremost above anything else in this world.  Help us to put our marriages second and prioritizing our spouses before all else {forsaking all others}.  Turn our hearts toward one another so our kids can find safety and that a united front would be so much more than just a front but a place of refuge and safety to grow. Amen

How do you find it challenging to prioritize your marriage before your parenting?

Have you noticed a difference when you do?

This is the 6th post in a 31 Day series: Wisdom. Start from the beginning here

You can also find over 1000 other topics from bloggers also participating here.

Filed Under: Discipleship, Raising Boys Tagged With: , , , ,

Four {31 Days of Wisom}

October 4, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Proverbs 4 in my Bible is titled “A Father’s Wise Instruction.”

He tells his sons about the wisdom His father taught him, when he was tender, the only one in the sight of his mother.

Let your heart hold fast to my words; keep my commandments and live.

His words are full of resolve, they are firm but loving.

As I read a picture popped in my head of a father driving a car and his young son next to him.

The father points to all the things around them, not being afraid to drive through the rougher parts of town while showing him the beauty around them.  He begins with wisdom and his words point to her value,

Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.

When you taste and see the treasure of wisdom, everything else is cheap.

He tells the boy with the graceful garland of wisdom bestowed on his head, he will

walk, and his step will not be hampered, and if he runs, he will not stumble.

The father does not hold back from telling him and perhaps showing him the path of the wicked and warns him not to walk in their way.

He points to it enough for the son to recognize it but warns him to avoid it, do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.

A young boy, the only one in the sight of his mother is likely still afraid of the dark. The father speaks to him in ways he will understand

The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day.

The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble.

Today I am encouraged to be wise and to listen to the faultless instruction of my Father and also pass it on to my boys.

There is safety in His wisdom.

I’m convicted to not only speak to them of wise choices without holding back on the urgency but also explain and show them why the Way of Wisdom is better.

 

Right now they still listen. They watch.

I will not be afraid to point out the darkness and boast about the light.  They need to be equipped to recognize both paths in order to ponder the path of their feet and not swerve to the right or the left.

Let wisdom reside in our hearts, may we keep it with all vigilance so out of it will flow the springs of life to all You bring near.

 

This is the 4th post in a 31 Day series: Wisdom. Start from the beginning here

You can also find over 1000 other topics from bloggers also participating here.

Filed Under: Discipleship, Raising Boys Tagged With: , , ,

On Headbands and the Writing on My Hands

August 8, 2012 by 1 Comment

Today I started a 7 day reading plan on You Version focused on the topic of parenting.  It’s been a struggle lately, so where better to turn than Scripture.  You Version has really great reading plans based on whole Bible reading but also on specific topics if you are looking for God to speak to you on something specific.

The first reading took me to Deuteronomy 6:

And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Moses is talking about the Ten Commandments when he speaks of the “words” to be on our hearts.  I don’t know about you, but when I have read this before, I’ve often thought of how to bind them in my children’s hearts more than I think of my own.

The heart is defined as the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect. When something is bound on our hearts, our speech and conduct, the way we do life overflows from that within us.

When God gave these words to Moses, He already knew of the battle raging within their hearts. The Israelites would struggle with loving their stuff more than He.  He knew they would even love their kids and worship them more than they loved Him. He could see they would have a hard time loving one another.  Their sexual temptations were never a surprise to Him, or their struggle to want what they did not have.  They would wrestle with being content where ever they were…Egypt, the Desert, even in the Land of Promise.

Historically, Jewish people would literally bind something on their hands and have a band or ribbon tied around their foreheads to remind them of these commands.  But metaphorically, God knows we need reminders too.  Reminders that the work of our hands, the way we serve, embrace, and hold our children as well as the perspective by which we see should be infused by this Way being bound in our hearts. They are to be set at the entrances of our homes where we tend to exhibit our worst behavior {when no one else is looking}.  Also on the gates surrounding our homes, creating a safe place to learn how to walk in the way of God so when we go into the world we know  who we are, where we came from and better yet Who we are made of.

Parenting, like everything else we do, should be in response to Who we know God is and what He has done for us.

His grace that saved us. His love which reached us when we were dead in our trespasses.  His mercies, new every morning.  The love that is steadfast and suffers long.  His hope that reminds us of His plan for our lives, you know the ones… the ones to prosper us and not to harm us.  His kindness that leads to repentance.  The security that comes with the promise He will never leave us and He is with us where ever we go.  His love that isn’t easily angered or holds on to records of wrongs.

Perhaps the two chapters are tied up in 5:33

“Walk in all the way that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.”

Lord, thank you for your infinite grace and mercy, your love that is from everlasting to everlasting.

Help us to walk in your ways today so we can be a life-giving display of your presence among us.

Filed Under: Discipleship, Family, Raising Boys Tagged With: ,

Good Enough

July 26, 2012 by 6 Comments

There are days when I am hard on myself for the things I could have done better. Days I could have been more patient, more kind and intentional.  Days I could have not yelled, or said that one thing or joked in that crude way. I could have been less snarky and more encouraging.  More hopeful and less doubtful.

Yet I am reminded of His mercies, which are new every morning and comforted by the company I keep with those who are attempting to emulate Someone perfect while battling the lie of perfection.

It is written:

We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

He prepared them… we are to do them.  He is the artist.  Sure, we are to do good but nothing good comes out of us apart from Jesus.  While it also says, everything we do should be done heartily because we do it for Him and not for others, sometimes good is good enough.

The only thing perfect about me is and will always be, Christ Jesus within me.

Everything else is susceptible to failure and short coming.

This 11 and under crowd will, no matter how hard I try to prevent it, bear wounds from my many imperfections.  They will have work through my mistakes and it will be part of their story.  I see their own struggle with perfection already forming them.  It shows up in a fear of losing and even a fear of being fearful.

The root of it all is pride. The ugly root that takes hold in my heart and needs to be dug out no matter how long and hard the work is to do so.

I need to become okay with being good enough.  Good enough as a mom. A good enough wife. A good enough friend.

In the good enough He will be praised for His excellencies.  Our dependency on Him becomes more clear to ourselves and those around us.

Lord, help me be good enough at what is before me today

and let me see the excellence in all your ways.

Filed Under: Discipleship, Raising Boys

In the Way They Should Go

July 19, 2012 by 7 Comments

 

“It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.”  Proverbs 19:2

“Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.” Proverbs 19:18

It’s summer and for our family it means a slight slowing down of pace and more time together.  Our three oldest are all in school full-time which has been a great experience for us thus far.  As Anne Ortlund says, “children are wet cement,” so summertime also affords us the opportunity to reshape and course correct anything needing attention.

This is often spurred on by the fact our pace lends itself to more time to be observant of what is going on in their minds and hearts.  I have more time and space to know what they are thinking and how their world view is being shaped.

Early in June I think it was on a Simple Mom podcast where I heard “you’re not raising your boys to stay home but are raising them for someone else.”  It immediately reminded me of another Proverb that says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” 

In the way he should go.

Because what all of us parents have to face is they should, in fact, go.  It’s good and right for them to go.

One day, they will need to go either to college, enter the work force, into marriage (hopefully all of the above).  They will go and create families of their own, participate in their own community, make their own choices, live in their own spaces and influence those around them.

They should go.

What our little baby has taught me in the last year is that it really does go by fast.

Just a couple of years ago I thought of discipline more as training, correction and immediate consequences for standard toddler and early child hood defiance.  But as my boys grow, I grow as a parent and I’m seeing discipline more as training to do the everyday things.

Discipline in thinking of and trusting the Lord when something is hard.  Knowing its okay when it’s hard and doing the hard thing can build their confidence in Him and themselves.  Discipline in getting up in the morning and taking care of household responsibilities and things needed for a good day.  Getting a good meal started, doing the laundry, managing time wisely.  Not rescuing when things go wrong but allowing the space and discomfort to figure it out themselves.

Of course these are things we do from the very beginning, but this summer the end game has become clearer.

If we teach them to be disciplined men, trusting God and being capable of living well and leading well…there is much hope in that.  But if they go, unprepared for the world, they are likely to fall prey to much.

At the same time the discipline required of us is to live it out first.  If we are not good examples, anything we say has no merit.  It also requires us to be observant of where each child is.  Each one is so different in the way they think and process life.  It’s necessary to observe and be knowledgeable so we don’t miss the way God is leading them.   We are officially a big family now so if we choose to parent in a one-size-fits-all manner, it’s far too easy to miss something because there is often a lot going on.

Proverbs 19:2 reminds me of the power of observation and listening.  Really listening not just to what God is showing me but what He is revealing to them.  Because if I really believe God has plan for each of their lives, then I have to accept it’s already begun and my job as a parent is to help them find the way.

The way they are to go.

Filed Under: Family Tagged With: , ,

One Year

June 24, 2012 by 6 Comments

Happy Birthday to my “gift.”

You are…

Proof God exists and His ways are higher than ours.

Joy embodied in a person.

You are a source of healing for a weary cancer survivor.  Repair for a literal broken heart.  You have brought calm to a chaotic home.

You represent trust where we lacked it most.

You have given us the gift of laughter, unceasingly great smiles, love when we thought we had enough.

May you continue to bring hope every where you go and may that smile never, ever leave your face for too long.  God has a plan for your life and it is good.  My prayer for you is that you would learn from an early age and live each day knowing He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine according to the power that is at work within you.

I love you my precious son.

Filed Under: Family
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